Bits and pieces.

I am currently unemployed; sometimes looking, sometimes not looking for a job.

I am trying to revive within me the desire to write.

I am in the process of figuring my life out: my options, my intentions, my desires, my needs, and necessities. Sometimes I do not know where it is all going…

I am in love with him. Sometimes we argue, sometimes we don’t, but most of the time we love. He sustains me.

I am sentimental to the point where I can cry and laugh at the same time, feeling both happy and sad at the same time. I don’t know if this is a curse or a blessing. Life is about emotions, and being able to experience them intensely and profoundly is living. Sometimes I feel for others, I cry, I become sad, I live with their problems.

I have a problem saying no to people. Even when I cannot afford to say yes, even when it is impossible to say yes, even when I do not want to say yes, I say yes. This is one of my many weaknesses. Some manage to abuse it shamelessly.

I often have dreams about being at an airport, getting on a plane, and realizing that I have left my luggage behind, or that I am wearing no shoes, or that I am still wearing my pajamas. I think this dream shows my great desire to travel, and then another negative quality about being anxious at times, fearing that I am never prepared for something, panicking. I think this is the meaning that I give to this dream knowing myself; perhaps someone else would interpret it differently.

I have a great need to be creative but I am still exploring the channels thru which I can express my creativity.

I dream about having a house by the ocean. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a small tiny house by the ocean where every morning I can wake up and smell the scent of the waves, and every evening I can bear witness to the sun setting and maybe once in a while even sleep on the sand.

I would love to have a perfect little garden. I have planted some roses, and am still working on some other plants. Gardening for me is hard since I am clumsy and I do not know much about gardening to begin with.

Sometimes I feel like I am walking backwards in stead of forwards. I feel like I am wasting time, I feel like I am losing time. Sometimes I wish that I were just having a bad summer, like those times in high school when it is ok to have a bad, unproductive summer because you know that when August comes around you will be back in school and productive again. August is here and strangely I miss school.

Sometimes all is good. I think to myself that I am still young. I can still attend law school next year. I can even settle for that shitty school in Jacksonville, the only problem is that I would really hate moving there.

I am alive, I am here, I am on line,-this thing that is called the internet, which has made my generation so much more different from my grandparent’s generation. Yuhuuuuuuuu....can anybody hear me?